happiness is:
having your beloved home after a (very long) week.
seeing all of the pretty pictures he took while he was away.
actually wanting to cook again.

now if i could only get past these allergies...

where does it go?
the muse i mean, the spark and fire that leaves the mind ablaze with words and thoughts and feelings that simply must take form, be embodied on a page, that little bit of something or other that allows you to put down and encase in black and white the passing nothings moving between the ears and eyes and causing an ache in the heart and soul, what socrates decided was from the gods...

my thoughts sound like so many dry leaves scraping across the ground, feel like empty husks...



*hmph*



do you need any more proof that i am young?

but it doesn't make the ache go away

the sounds coming through the open window have taken on an evening/night time quality - a little quieter, but cleaner and clearer than sounds you hear during the day. thick looking clouds are quickly swallowing up the last bits of daylight still left in the sky. it's getting chilly.
and i'm by myself.

my bh left this morning for a week long field trip out on the furthest island in the gulf. you'd think that after spending the greater part of a year separated, six days would be simple. heh, not so much. the man comprises a large extent of my whole world, six hours apart from him is a long time. and i've been spoiled for the last few months, with the class schedule we have we're always together. which is lovely - who wouldn't want to spend all of their time with their best friend? i've been not-looking-forward to today for weeks.

*megh*

in other news, i'm feeling a bit less like one of these poor fellows. last week was pretty mis...er... intense. three assignments due, none of them something to be sneezed at. they were all handed in to their respective assigners without too much ado. it's nine days until the next one is due, so i suppose it's a good thing i can't shake the feeling that there is something i'm supposed to be working on or paying attention to. but it is rather distracting when you're trying to relax (ie read something fun) or forget that you have only yourself to cook for for the rest of the week...

the streetlights have come on, reflecting orange-yellow off the building across the carpark and casting grainy shadows on my one white wall. the twilight sky peers though breaks in the clouds, nearly seven and it's still a bit light out. is good - the winter's been long in leaving. daylight savings kicks in next week and i want all the extra light i can get before it starts getting dark in the mornings again. i guess i'll make myself some supper after the russians are done - it's really quite awkward weaving around a very small kitchen between two people speaking very animatedly in another language pointedly ignoring you...

update: my brother is home and doing well. praise God.

thank you all who were praying for him. i know that it was thanks to all of the prayers and sacrifices being offered for him that he was able to return home so soon.

please pray for my brother. he is in the hospital right now in stable but serious condition after loosing about 40% of his blood because of complications after surgery.

i'm frustrated.

i finished the last book in the house this morning (well, my last book any ways; there are lots of random books left around the building in stacks, but most of them look to the be the sort i wouldn't read no matter how desperate i was). this leaves me with nothing to do but work on my paper. which i have been, slowly painfully. i don't understand why ideas and words seem so eager to run out of my head and onto the screen in neat rows when i'm looking at this screen, but immediately freeze when i open up a word screen. i wonder if i could trick myself into writing by putting it all here first... perhaps i should spare you all the boredom.
of course there are always blogs to read, but you can only check so many with the dribble of an internet connection we have at the moment before conscience catches up and scolds you back to doing what you/i am supposed to be doing.

i'm having a hard time synthesizing all of the material i've read for this paper - 15 odd journal articles. i have a general idea of what they say and arguments and what i want to take from them and vaguely what i want to do with it. but working out how all of it goes together in my paper is causing hang-up in my poor over/under caffeinated brain.

and it's a beautiful day outside; it seems that it's always a beautiful day when i most need to just stay put and not think about it.

so very frustrating...

while doing some blog wandering (i've just discovered that authors have blogs too...and they unlike me post lots. i wonder what it would be like to be that verbally prolific? hmmm...)

oh yes, blog wandering, i found this gentleman who in turn lead me to this interesting article. and i thought we were the only ones for whom abortion was the be-all and end-all issue come election time.
guess i was wrong.


what does that say about our country?